Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
