i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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