i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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