i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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