Barsexuality is the new black.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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