Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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