i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
