I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
