how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
