I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
