Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
