it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will be naked everywhere
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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