I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
