Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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