Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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