I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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