Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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