so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
