We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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