I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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