i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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