That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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