I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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