I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
