no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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