it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
