he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
