he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
