Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
