Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize