Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
