she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A+ Viking dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
