We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
