HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just google imaged poop.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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