she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
there is glitter all over my balls
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