yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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