I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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