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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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