The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
