I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
