And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
