If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
