Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
