I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
