we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
