please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
