Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
