just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
