mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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