what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
