I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
