im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
