OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
