Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
