**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she smelled like a LAN party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
