In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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