dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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