So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
