Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
