My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
