So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
smell my finger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
