dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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