why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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