Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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