im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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