I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
