so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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