it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
