bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
