I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
