the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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