Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
