Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mom said you looked used
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
