he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
