Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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