Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
