I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
