Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
