I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
