Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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