I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
