We're facebook friends in real life
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
